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Archive for the ‘Thoughts on moving forward’ Category

Finding Michael

Posted in Somber thoughts, Thoughts on moving forward on June 20, 2011| 3 Comments »

Walden, Colorado to Saratoga, Wyoming

Friendly horn taps: 2

Miles: 69

Total so far: 3,016

Homecoming...

The Sierra Madre Range as seen from above Riverside/Encampment (Carlie's Mountains)

Landmark of the beginning...

The North Platte River at Bridge Street in Saratoga - flood stage

Our remote camp in the mountains - looking for Michael

It’s 5:00am and the rain is becoming steady. The beat of it on my tent has me awake now. Fist it was the mountain birds, now the steady patter of the rain.

We’ve come to the mountains where our brother Michael’s ashes were laid to rest 21 years ago. I’ve always wanted to camp here, but with all the times I’ve come to visit this place, I’ve never managed to spend the night.

We couldn’t find him. We scattered his ashes under a large spruce tree in the Snowy Range Mountains east of Saratoga. This is an area where he loved to come. This place gave him hope. Someone has logged either side of the little trail and it has changed considerably.  My landmarks are gone.

Adding to our difficulties, the large spruce trees have been harvested. Some have been cut and left. A lot of trees are limbed and seemingly abandoned on the ground. A disturbing waste.

Somehow, we’ve found him though. His spirit is with us. I felt him in the bounding elk we saw in the sage south of Big Creek.  I can tell from the deer and the way they looked upon us not as intruders, but as curious visitors. He was  there when I saw the cinnamon rumps of the two black bears that scampered at my approach in the trees. Seeing bear here is not unknown, but highly unusual. There is a lot of sign of moose. All this would make him very happy.

It’s disappointing not to find the tree where we chose to place his remains. Another new normal to adapt to. Maybe that’s the point. We’ll go forward from here, knowing he’s close. Even if we can’t find him.

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Tomorrow’s ride is dedicated to Eric Robbins

Eric Robbins

Eric Robbins had just turned 23 when he was killed by a drunk driver on September 20,1997. He was an army veteran and a volunteer fireman. He left so many dreams unfulfilled….

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A land, a journey, a love

Posted in Somber thoughts, The mental challenge, Thoughts on moving forward on June 18, 2011| 6 Comments »

Sulphur Hot Springs, CO to Walden, CO

Friendly horn taps: 1

Continental Divide crossings: 2

Miles: 62

Total so far: 2,947

*Please note:  Tomorrow’s post may not be published until the following day, as Sallie and I are going to a remote area in the mountains of Wyoming.

The Colorado River west of Granby

We are ever closer to the Wyoming state line.  It’s a 22 mile ride from here, and we will enter Carbon County, Wyoming just west of North Gate Canyon and the Platte River Wilderness Area.  We’ll travel to Riverside/Encampment and then turn north towards Saratoga.  On the way north, we will pass by the Silver Spur Ranch.  I was conceived there.  That’s an odd fact that was revealed to me by mother who made that known to me after I moved to Saratoga in the mid 1970’s. I always felt at home in the North Platte Valley, and I will forever have a special place in my heart for the area and the people there.

Carlie and I lived in Carbon County when she was killed on that fateful New Year’s Day.  Up until that time,we lived in Rawlins for  three years, as I was stationed there as a division supervisor with the State Patrol.

Nearing the summit of Willow Creek Pass

As we ride into the valley tomorrow, in front of us will be the Sierra Madre Mountain Range.  We always referred to those mountains as “Carlie’s Mountains”, and we spent an unusual amount of time there for a child that young.  When Carlie was three and a half, we spent eight days up there in one stretch.  We always had a comfortable camp (including a large canvas wall tent complete with cots and a wood burning stove), we had some books, a few toys, and Carlie’s ever constant companion, Sadie – as faithful a black lab as they come.

Another crossing of the Continental Divide

There is a creek near where we’d set that camp, and Carlie loved to go to the banks of that stream and just watch the water swirling in the pools, teaming with brook trout.  We’d have a snack of a gorp mix I used to make with equal amounts of salted peanuts, raisins, and M&M’s.  Carlie used to pick through the bag of gorp and retrieve the M&M’s.  She used to tell me that I worked too hard, and I just should take some time and go sit by the creek and watch the fish.

I am working too hard, but this is a labor of love. Tomorrow will be eventful, as I’ve said.  Returning to a land I once loved on Father’s Day.

Beauty break...

Mountain run-off

It's not all beauty and wonder. We spent a good portion of the afternoon getting lashed by wind driven rain.

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Tomorrow’s ride is dedicated to Adam Michael Neyer

Adam Neyer

Adam Neyer, from Englewood, Colorado was killed at the age of 18, far too young.  The collision took place at the hands of a drunk driver on June 3, 2001. Adam was just a few days away from his high school graduation.


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Passing ships

Posted in Friends made on the road, Thoughts on moving forward on June 17, 2011| 2 Comments »

Frisco, CO to Hot Sulphur Springs, CO

Friendly horn taps: 1

Rude horn blasts: 1

Miles: 68

Total so far: 2,885

Dillon Reservoir

Back on the "road" - actually a bike path that took us to Silverthorne

We got a late start out of Frisco (9:00am or so) because our cousin Lee made us a huge breakfast to get us back on the road.  We were warmed by Lee and her husband Palmer’ hospitality, and we needed it.  Clouds had moved in and intermittent rain was in our future for the day.

Beauty Break...

Despite less than perfect weather, the ride was amazingly beautiful.  We left Frisco going north around Dillon Reservoir, through Silverthorne, and then followed the Blue River down to Green Mountain Reservoir.  We took a small road that went through Heeney, stopped at Kremmling for lunch, and made it through the Colorado River Canyon  into Hot Sulphur Springs in good time.

3 brothers: Noah, Timothy, Philip, ages 22, 19 and 17 bound for the east coast from Oregon, then returning home along the Canadian border.

Hannah and Perry - going from Virginia to Oregon

Rebecca, going from Fort Collins, CO to Seattle. She's developed her own route.

I made some calls into Wyoming and touched base with some old friends that I hope to get a chance to see as we pass through their towns.  I’ve spent a great deal of time thinking about the return to Wyoming during the weeks on this ride.  This is significant for me.  I suppose one can never live 30 years somewhere, leave for five years, and return without it being significant in many ways.  We’ll see how it goes as we get there.  Patience is a part of the journey on a bicycle.  That’s important equipment.  Patience.

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Tomorrow’s ride is dedicated to Michelle Wright

Michelle Wright

Michelle Wright, from Denver, was killed on November 8, 1996 by a drunk driver.   Michelle had an enormous amount of ambition.  She played soccer at the Universityof Denver, played soccer in China, she was a licensed private pilot and a skydiver.

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The dance of the Killdeer

Posted in Thoughts on moving forward on June 10, 2011| 4 Comments »

Eads, CO to Ordway, CO

Rude horn honks: 1

Friendly horn taps: 1

Miles: 64

Total so far: 2,587

Let me tell you about the killdeer.  A killdeer is a striking bird that captures the eye – for a very good reason.  Adult killdeer have a brown back and wings, a white belly, and a white breast with two black bands. The rump is tawny orange. The face and cap are brown with a white forehead.

We were introduced to a killdeer one day at the Emanuel Lutheran Church we stayed at upon our reaching Kansas.  The bird nested next to the gravel driveway and laid three or four grey and white speckled eggs that closely matched the color of the gravel. When a person approached, the killdeer would get up and fly just a few feet, making a bit of a racket.  If you continued to follow the killdeer, it would make noise, flop about, fly a little, and eventually land and fall over on it’s side with one wing up as though it was in mortal agony.  All this is a dance to keep the attention of a potential predator and keep the predator occupied and away from the nest of eggs.  The killdeer perform the same antics when their young are hatched, but not yet old enough to flee into the air.

Don’t we wish we could protect our young as effectively?  What would I give to have the opportunity to perform a distraction or interrupt the danger my daughter faced?  Given the chance, I would have unflinchingly offered my own life.  Any parent would.  If only we could.

I admire the courage of this bird.  I am in awe of it’s loyalty, and I am startled at the effectiveness of the kildeer’s dance.  With all our sophistication, we lack those simple tools.

Maybe we are not that clever after all.

As I ride today, I can not pine for the could have, should have, would have…

I am in that new, unwanted reality; it is not my choosing, but I am moving forward.

Sighting our first antelope on the prairie

 

 

 

 

These abandoned tracks run the length of Kiowa County. They once held communities together that no longer exist.

Sugar City, Colorado

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Tomorrow’s ride is dedicated to D’Ann (DeDe) Marie Garcia

D'Ann Garcia

D’Ann was killed by a drunk driver going the wrong way on I-25 near Pueblo, Colorado on August 31, 1993.  DeDe was 22 years old, in her last year of college. She is deeply missed by her family and friends.

 

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Walking in those shoes

Posted in Thoughts on moving forward on June 4, 2011| 4 Comments »

Newton, KS to Sterling, KS

Friendly horn taps:

Miles: 64

Total so far: 2,240

Kansas today

Beauty break

We are settling into a rhythm of early starts to minimize the effects of the heat and the wind.  Things have settled some for us and we may not be defeated quite yet, though at times it may look like it.  Today for instance, I laid down on the concrete pool deck without the benefit of a lounge chair at the Sterling Municipal Pool and went fast asleep while small, wet children scrambled all around me heading back to the diving board to repeat their cannonball acts.

We’ve had some tough days.  There were a few days in Missouri where the narrow, winding, shoulder-less roads, steep hills, and rude impatient drivers combined for some long nerve wracking and exhausting days.  When I thought it impossible to relax, when my nerves were on edge and my legs wanted to give out, I thought of the others who for 35 years have ridden these same roads, and found comfort in their successes.

In the painfully long, enduring road I’ve traveled with my grief, it is not too much different.  The fact that others have traveled similar roads and survived is vital.  I will never forget a  Compassionate Friends Conference (a group that supports parents after a child dies) when, in one workshop, a newly bereaved woman broke down and went on a rant expressively giving voice to all the pain she was going through, the grief spasms that seized her, the uncontrolled pain, crying, and otherworldliness she was feeling, and finally, she accused everyone in the room of some sort of insanity because she had observed people laughing, enjoying friendships, seemingly going about life “normally” when she was absolutely convinced she was losing her mind from her knife-edged grief.

The presenter, a kind and insightful bereaved father and Episcopal priest, asked everyone in the room to stand.  Then he asked those standing to sit down if they had not experienced uncontrolled spasms of grief.  He asked those who have not experienced knife-edged pain, to sit down, and did the same for those who’ve never experienced the “otherworldliness” feelings of no longer belonging to the rest of the world.  When he was done, he asked the woman to look around the room.  There were about 200 people standing.  No one was seated.

He explained that we were not only standing because we experienced the same things, but were standing also in support of her.  It was an impressive moment.

Mothers Against Drunk Driving serves the same purpose.  Last year, MADD turned 30, yet our organization’s heart and soul remains intact.  We give victims a voice and a place where your loved ones will be honored.

Keep moving forward...

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Tomorrow’s ride is dedicated to Travis James Dreiling

Travis James Dreiling

Travis James Dreiling’s hometown is Hutchinson, Kansas, not far from here.  He was killed at the age of 26 on November 26, 2005 by a drunk driver.  He was expecting his first child.


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